It strikes me that there are at least two forms of patience – “long-term” patience and “immediate” patience (albeit that’s something of an oxymoron). One thing I’ve learned from parenting in lock-down is I’m good at one, but not the other.
“Long-term” patience, I suppose you might say, tests your endurability. I can do that. I can wait. Time passes so just let it. Take this photograph. I arrived at the beach before the sun set. I waited. I looked for a point of interest as I walked – the blue streak in the smooth rock. I waited. I set up the camera, took a long exposure. I waited. Mostly, I did nothing when making this image. I don’t think I’ve seen a sunset quite like it since. The soft peach of the sky sitting above the tranquil blue ocean on a warm summer evening.
I guess I find “long term” patience suits me. I like to take my time with things. Not rush. I enjoy activities that take effort and time before there is some reward – it could be baking bread, it could be photography. Maybe even reading a legal case and thinking about what it means. There’s something unsatisfying for me in easy-wins, take-aways (Franco Manca excepted), little effort. I’m generalising of course, but that’s the essence.
Yet “immediate” patience is a different thing. Being patient now. Not reacting. Don’t lose-it. I thought I had that nailed. I mean, I’m chilled, right? How wrong was I. If I’ve learnt anything from home-schooling during lock-down it’s that I’m not that zen. The constant interruptions. The inability to pay proper attention. The temper tantrums. My kids have coped brilliantly though. So I guess I’ll learn from them.
“Parenting is a mirror that forces you to look at yourself.” And it’s a mirror that keeps changing too. But it means as your kids grow, so can you. The quote comes from Wherever you go, there you are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Now, I’ve had that book on my shelf for at least 15 years and I think it’s accompanied me on at least two house moves. And I still haven’t read it. Maybe I’ve waited long enough though.
As I see it, not reacting (or at least, not over reacting) requires you to find stillness even as your feelings move about you. It’s not about pretending those feelings don’t exist, but observing them. Watching them. And seeing them go and move on. Those are fine words. But how do you do that? Well, you find your own way. Just don’t try and rush it. Be patient.
This way of light 